my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize