Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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