zippers are such a cool invention
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
