Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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