What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
