i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
