that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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