If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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