Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
