You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
