I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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