your thong is hanging out like whoa
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
