yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
