She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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