I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize