Will you blow on my dice?
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
