We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
my liver is dry heaving
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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