fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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