i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
