took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
