That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
