Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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