I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize