these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
