I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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