Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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