I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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