smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Randomize
