i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
