he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Come on in and take your pants off
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
