I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
