3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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