I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
