what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize