my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
