I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
