I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
