Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize