I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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