Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize