After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He's a Shit stain on my heart
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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