He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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