I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
