So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
