Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
