She is in my trunk
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
