You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
