highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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