I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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