Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
