I'm passing your future prison.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
