I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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