the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
