I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
this hospital has no fireball
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
