Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
