You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
