Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
we're chasing vodka with high fives
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
