I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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