don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
