before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
