I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
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