I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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