Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
