Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
