I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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