I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
