Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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